If You Can Answer Yes to These 10 Questions, Your Relationship Is Stronger Than You Think
When it comes to maintaining happy relationships (both romantic and professional), you may have heard of the magic 5:1 ratio. Developed by famed couples therapist John Gottman, the rule states that if you want your relationship to thrive, make sure you and your partner have five positive interactions for every negative one.
Why is the proportion of happy times to sad ones so lopsided? The rule is rooted in a wider truth about human psychology: we’re wired to be biased toward the negative. While we barely notice success and let compliments go in one ear and out the other, we remember every setback and slight, and often ruminate about the smallest failures for days or weeks.
This bias helped us avoid hungry lions back in the day, but now according to a new book by Gary Lewandowski Jr., it might be taking a serious toll on your relationship. As Lewandowski, a psychologist who studies the science of healthy relationships, writes on the Greater Good Science Center, our negativity bias “makes us more critical of our relationship than we should be. Along the way, we take the good times for granted and they become an under-appreciated part of our partnership.”
The solution for many of us, he argues, is to remind ourselves just how good we have it with…
